This blog post is a transcribed and edited version of this IGTV video.
Procrastination is something I’ve battled with for most of my creative life. I know I’ve been procrastinating when I keep putting something off that I dream about doing and make myself busy with lots of other projects instead. I tell myself that these other tasks are more important. But I’m fooling myself. The thing that I ultimately want to be doing, which is writing a book of some kind, is put off, ignored, and languishes at the bottom of the list.
Instead of working on my novel, or working on my nonfiction, procrastination would look like the creation of a wildflower meadow. Or I would go in the kitchen and do some baking in order to create, and stage, and edit, an Instagram photograph. This could take me all day. Or I would go back outside and clean out my chickens and my ducks. Obviously this needed to be done, it was an essential chore. But did it need to be done right then? This was my writing time, my children were at school, so why did I not just put pen to paper and write?
So of course, when we procrastinate, and we fail to reach our creative goals, or we fail to work on our novel, or we fail to write a blog post - we call ourselves failures. We have become what we always thought we were. We call ourselves lazy, we call ourselves untalented. All those wonderful negative words. And we end up losing confidence around our creativity, simply because we're being so hard on ourselves.
That’s why I think it's really important to identify why we are procrastinating - because once we understand that, maybe we will stop giving ourselves such a hard time. And by not giving ourselves a hard time we reduce the pressure and the expectations we have placed upon ourselves. Because the reality is - we are probably procrastinating because we're scared. We could be scared of failing, we could be scared of starting the project and find out we lack the skills or the talent or whatever it is in order to complete it. This could destroy the dreams we’ve had for many many years. We might be scared of embarrassing ourselves or being criticised. It might look slightly different for everyone.
Or maybe we’re scared of succeeding. It could be that the big creative project that you would dearly love to to complete is just that little bit too far out of your comfort zone. We worry about what our friends might say about us pursuing it, or we worry about neglecting our family, or what faceless people on the internet might say to us.
So let me reassure you - these feelings are all completely normal. It's not just you who feels this way. This is something that I felt for the many, many years I've been writing and being online. I started in 2007 but it wasn't until probably 2018/2019 that I figured out why I was procrastinating and what my fears were.
I thought I was just rubbish. I didn’t realise I was scared.
It’s been a fascinating journey as I’ve dived deep down and worked out what was going on in my head. And since I've discovered what’s been holding me back I've been able to push ahead with my creative and writing projects. That's not to say I don't procrastinate anymore. We all do from time to time. But it’s no longer stopping me from pushing forward towards my creative and writing dreams.
So how did I do that? How did I dig deep inside myself to figure out what my fears were?
The first way is by writing in my writing journal. This is where I dump everything that goes on in my head. I call it my external hard drive. It’s not just for writing down names of podcasts or non-fiction recommendations. I use it to record any ideas (however scary) in terms of the direction I want to go with my writing and creativity. I have to convince myself that writing the ideas down didn’t mean I had to do them. But writing them down made them feel less scary. Inside my head they would snowball, the ‘what if’ questions were loud and the negative chatter would take over. On paper I could look at the project in a more practical and less emotional way.
Secondly I used my journal to dig into my fears. I would ask myself why I felt a certain way and what the worst thing is that could happen. What was it I was scared of? Fear of failure is common for many people and I think I had an issue with that. But the biggest thing that was stopping me was fear of success. For someone who liked to be in control, letting things go and be in the hands of other people was something I really struggled with. Plus I envisaged very critical reaction to my work. I had to work out a way of getting around these fears and those obstacles that I could see in front of me (one way of doing this is by asking yourself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ Then you work backwards from that worst case and figure out what you could do in each situation.)
Finally, I break the projects I’d like to do, those scary and overwhelming ones, into really small tasks. The projects can be so overwhelming that I'm procrastinating in terms of starting it, or in terms of finishing it. So I break it down into tiny tasks. And every day, I know what I need to do in order to work on this project. I have all the tiny tasks in front of me, the tiny steps that I need to take in order to complete my project and get me towards my goals. And yes, this does mean I need three planners. But if it pushes me forward then I call that a good decision!
So break it up into tiny steps. And eventually you will get there just by putting one foot in front of the other and ignoring the big mountain.
If you’re procrastinating it’s not because you’re rubbish, untalented, not worthy of a creative life or other negative descriptions you apply to yourself. It's simply because you're a little bit scared, a little bit fearful. And the project that you would like to work on is just too overwhelming. So journal your dreams and journal your fears. Then decide on a project and break it down into tiny steps and take it that little bit at a time.
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