This post first appeared in Journal Notes my weekly/fortnightly newsletter about creativity, confidence and other mental blocks.
What is your creative purpose?
I’ve been searching for my creative purpose ever since I gave up my marketing career seventeen years ago to become a mum. And it’s taken me a hell of a long time, with plenty of wrong turns, until I found it.
For many years I didn’t have a creative purpose. I would come to my desk, maybe check social media - and then do whatever I felt like doing that day. I had plenty of tasks to choose from: write a blog post, create a video for Instagram Stories of my chickens and ducks, brainstorm, set up and create an image for Instagram, work on my novel or ignore writing and creativity completely and go outside to clean out the chickens. Sometimes I’d feel like I’d been busy all day but didn’t have a lot to show for it. And occasionally I’d feel so busy my chest was tight from shallow stress breathing. And there were times when I didn’t know where to start or what to do so I’d end up doing nothing.
My procrastination was exemplary. My confidence was rock bottom. I was drifting through life yet felt completely overwhelmed.
Don’t get me wrong - creatively it was enjoyable and I learned lots of new skills. I was busy but this wasn’t the same as being productive and driving forward in a structured way towards my dreams.
Everything started to change at the end of 2018 when I started to plan out my day in my planning journal. It was a simple journal with gridded pages that started a chain reaction of events. I began by trying to make a very neat bullet journal. You know - with fancy lines, swirly writing and neat boxes of all the tasks I’d like to achieve - but I found I couldn’t keep this up. Neatness wasn’t me as I felt I couldn’t write anything in it due to the risk of making a mess. So that idea quickly got scrapped. I experimented with different variations and filled an entire notebook and a half until I simply used the left hand side of a double page spread to write down all my projects with the tasks underneath each one. These projects were mainly content based - so Blog posts, sponsored Instagram posts, Patreon and novel. On the right I’d draw a grid of these pieces of content when they were due to go live. I believe this was one of my first ‘how to’ videos I did on YouTube.
Even though the projects were still what I felt like doing that week ie they still didn’t have a purpose or goals - I was beginning to get a system going. And, long story short, eventually - after doing this for many months - I started to journal my thoughts about creating these pieces of content for Instagram, my blog and Patreon. Because I’d started to compartmentalise my tasks I could identify how I felt about each task. I began to get quite deep into the journaling and realised that I was doing these tasks and projects but didn’t know why. I had no idea what the purpose was of me creating these pieces of content. And I also had no end goal.
As soon as I realised this I started investigating my mind further. I had a very loose and vague idea that one day I’d like to be published. I had no idea how this was going to happen but, somewhere swimming about my head, I thought I’d be ‘discovered’ on Instagram. I know, right? What was I thinking leaving the possibility of a writing career to chance? It was only when someone said to me on Instagram “oh, Helen, I didn’t know you were writing a novel” that I faced a stark reality check. How would I be discovered if no-one on there knew I was a writer? So I changed my Instagram: my handle, my topics and the types of photographs I was taking.
Obviously this was just rearranging the chairs on the titanic. The window-dressing. I still wasn’t addressing the real issue: what was my purpose?
It took a lot of journaling to uncover the answer to this question and along the way I made some important discoveries: I didn’t enjoy Instagram. I wanted to make what I did more of a business and less of a hobby. I enjoyed writing more than making videos or taking pictures. I didn’t like the anxious feeling that sat in my tummy when I uploaded a video. I wasn’t as fussed about being traditionally published (as I’d thought for a decade) but was intrigued by the option of self-publishing. I also enjoyed writing about creative confidence and other related issues that I’d gone through in the last ten years or more.
Eventually all my thoughts came together into an obvious purpose. I wanted to create a business and earn an income from my writing and I wanted to help other women, like me, who are unconfident, unsure, creatively drifting, thinking they have to do it one way (eg through Instagram), are unaware of their talents and overwhelmed and paralysed in deciding the best path forward. What energised me was helping others (through my writing and mentoring) get over their fears, to grow in confidence and to uncover their purpose and goals.
Once I’d worked out all that my projects fell into place. I re-focused on writing projects and mentoring projects rather than Instagram and YouTube. I brainstormed ways I could help whilst also creating a business. I made some big changes to my Patreon account. It was as if the wool had been pulled from my eyes.
The path ahead no longer looked confusing - I knew where I was going and why I was going that way. It gave me much needed confidence. I felt certain what I was doing was right. And my productivity and focus soared.
So, if you’re drifting, if you’re overwhelmed, if you’re struggling with creative confidence pull out your journal and start asking yourself some powerful questions:
What are you passionate about?
What are you good at?
What do people need from you?
How can you earn money?
Let these questions permeate your unconscious thoughts. Journal these thoughts. Pull out the strands even if they are seemingly unrelated (never worry about going off on tangents!). See what else rises to the surface after you’ve removed some thoughts and have space for more. Make notes.
Read through, regularly, what you’ve written. When you can see answers to your questions start working out how you’re going to work towards your purpose through individual projects.
What is your creative purpose?
I’m written an ebook all about journaling your purpose and your goals. I share, in detail, how I journal and how it has helped hugely with my writing and my business. I talk about working out your purpose, goals, projects and tasks and show how they’re all linked. And I share the secrets to my monthly, weekly and daily planning which has helped me become more productive.
To find out more and to order the book click here.
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If you enjoyed this blog post post you might also enjoy my essays about writing, confidence, creativity and being online on Patreon.
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I also write tiny essays in my newsletter which I send out about three times a month.
