I created my Instagram account on 20th July 2014. Before then I hadn’t really paid any attention to the app. I had been on Twitter for a number of years, though never really felt comfortable there, and had also been on Facebook for some time, too. That summer in 2014 marked our second year anniversary of living in the countryside. I was developing an interest in photography and would take photos of the chickens and ducks plus all the flowers in my garden. A garden I’d created from scratch and spent a considerable amount of time on. We’d also spent our first couple of years living in the countryside planting trees: a small orchard, a windbreak row of trees at the end of the field and a hedgerow at the top of the field - and I wanted to document it all.
When I read a comment on Twitter along the lines of ‘why are people posting photos on here now - this isn’t the place for photos’ (yes, someone really said that) I decided to move over to Instagram. At first I just took close-ups of flowers but after exploring the app for a while I discovered this might be a useful platform for me to grow on. I’d recently been rejected by a few publishing houses via my literary agent at the time for not having a TV platform (I was proposing to write a cookery book based on food in fiction inspired by my column on Novelicious). I didn’t fancy a TV career but I thought Instagram could be an alternative. A place to get noticed as a writer. To build a platform and gain an audience in order to show a publisher ‘proof’ that my novel or other piece of writing was a good bet.
I started to put more effort into the app. I created a cohesive feed, I made my captions more engaging, I updated my profile and I made my blog more professional. And it was working. My followers started to grow until they eventually settled at around 17,000.
I started to get more invested in the photographs I took. I went from overly saturated close-up pictures of cakes and curds to more atmospheric shots of the chickens in the fog or the blossom on the trees with dark skies in the background. I bought myself a table from a junk shop, sanded it down, and started to compose pictures on it. Cookies and cakes, pictures of my notebooks and handwriting, flowers from the garden alongside a journal piece on what was going on in my head. Each photo was starting to take me a few hours to think about, prepare, execute, edit and upload with a thoughtful caption. Gradually this time started to get longer. Alongside engaging with other people my time on the app or composing for the app could easily be five hours or more a day. It was the first thing I checked in the morning and the last thing I checked at night. When we went on holiday I’d still check in. I was never off.
When Instagram Stories and IGTV came along I started to create mini films. This started off as montages of my chickens and ducks but evolved into a writing vlog. I signed up to a music subscription service and added music to my videos. I spent hours setting my iPhone up, taking the shots and editing it all together. I’d then upload it and kept coming back a number of times every hour to reply to comments.
At this point I’d like to point out the positives of being on Instagram. Instagram gave me a good deal of confidence in my creativity. It encouraged me to learn new skills. It enabled me to find my writing voice and my writing interests. It also encouraged me - or rather the community on there encouraged me with my writing. Without this app I doubt I’d have created videos, shown my face online, created a business and a course and lots of other things that have actually helped my writing and my business.
Instagram themselves on their own feed would set photographic challenges alongside a theme. If they selected you for their own feed your account could suddenly escalate in terms of followers (and with followers came brand opportunities or being noticed in other ways). So I’d try and create an image according to the Instagram theme that still looked cohesive on my own feed. (I never was picked!) I started working with brands through an app on my phone. I tried to only work with brands that meant something to me but over the years I spent time creating photographs for a food mixer, a vacuum cleaner, a supermarket own brand of potatoes (and they sent me mouldy ones so I had to make the journey to pick up some more - at my own time and expense). I created pictures for books, I even went to London for the day in order to photograph a challenge to promote a new novel. And it was this challenge early in 2019 that made me question what I was doing…It was a fun day and I enjoyed meeting another Instagrammer I’d known online for sometime BUT it started a train of thought for me. Why was I taking all this time to promote someone else’s book instead of writing my own? At what point did I become an influencer instead of a writer? I still had writing ambitions. But they’d been sidetracked by the sparkly.
This trip into London came a few weeks after nearly all my chickens and ducks had been killed in a fox attack. It devastated me and my husband. We’d been thinking about moving house for a few months. This was the final straw we needed to make our decision and we started calling estate agents soon after. By July 1st we were in our new house. Still in the countryside but with no space for ducks. Maybe we could keep chickens here but I was done with them for now. The heartbreak was too raw.
This meant my Instagram changed. The misty mornings, the blossom and fruit on our orchard trees, the ducks flapping their wings, the broody chicken and her chicks - they were no longer available for me to photograph. This house move, in addition to my thoughts about promoting other people’s books and not spending time on my own writing - made my feed look drastically different. I started taking photos of my desk and my notebooks. I started to brand myself as a writer.
I thought I was clever. This meant I was no longer spending hours of my time creating photographs for Instagram. I could concentrate on my writing and just take a quick snap every lunch time.
But who was I kidding? Every time I took a picture, edited it, wrote a caption and uploaded - it would take me around about an hour. And I would always go back and check for comments so I could reply. I still wanted to organise my desk the best way I could to make a good photo - this also took time. I was still creating videos and editing them for the app - again time. But not just time. It also took up creative energy. And not only that I was distracting myself. Yes, I was writing more BUT the writing was piecemeal. I wasn’t focused. I was writing things, aware that I would show it on Instagram - it wasn’t deep, focused work.
It all came to a head during lockdown when a family friend died suddenly. It was a shock and I was devastated. I became anxious: the world seemed scary, noisy and there were far too many opinions. Everywhere. I backed off from the news and from Instagram for the sake of my mental health. I thought it would be for a few days but after a week I found I didn’t miss it. So I stayed away. I put up a few stories explaining where I’d gone and pointed people towards my newsletter but it was another month before I put up a main feed photograph.
During my time away I stopped being anxious. I gained ideas and continuous thoughts that built up into substantial projects. I saw a clear path ahead for where I wanted to take my business and I started to put these ideas in motion. I started to write about being away from Instagram and people emailed me with book recommendations, videos and examples of successful writers and business owners who had built up their businesses without social media. I always thought coming off Instagram could be career suicide but seeing them doing it gave me hope and inspiration. Plus - I hadn’t finished my damn novel whilst being on Instagram - how much worse could it get?
Initially coming off the app was hard. I was lonely. I kept picking up my phone every time I took a break from writing. In fact - it’s taken me nearly two months to get into the habit of writing this much text above *points upwards* without feeling the need to pick up my phone to check ‘things’ every time I paused for thought. (Seriously I haven’t checked my phone once during the first draft of this blog post. This wouldn’t have happened before - I would’ve taken a photo to tell people in my Instagram Stories that I was writing a blog post. Then check for DMs. Then taken another photo…and on and on it goes…)
I was filling up all my pauses for thought with either more content of my own or with other people’s photographs and captions. Therefore no quality, creative thoughts would appear in my ‘pause for thought time’.
After a month of not being on Instagram I felt so much better mentally. I was not thinking what people on social media would think if I did x or y. I started to get serious with my mentoring, with my workbook idea and with my Patreon. I’ve come up with a different - and better - idea for my non-fiction book proposal; one that is more rounded, goes deeper into the topic and makes much more sense. I’ve placed more focus on developing relationships with smaller communities such as my patrons and my subscribers. I’m loving the emails that pop into my inbox with thoughts and recommendations. And I’m reading books again.
Why would I want to go back on Instagram and back onto the hamster treadmill of ‘feeding the hungry beast’ with content? In a recent blog post on Patreon I likened Instagram posts with fast food whereas my essays on Patron, my book ideas, my blog posts and my tiny essays in my newsletter were more like a proper cooked meal. More nutritious and filling. I discovered other writers and watched their videos about coming off social media. I started listening to podcasts again and I’ve made plans for the future of my writing and business once the summer holiday ends. And I’ve scribbled endlessly in my journal. Lots of notes and scraps of ideas that I hope to develop in the coming months.
Yesterday I did some baking for the first time in ages. And you know what? I felt content. I wasn’t picking up my phone continuously to take photographs of the process or to check in on how a photo was doing. I was in the moment. Just me, pottering around my kitchen with a podcast on, the smell of lemon and garlic wafting around me, biscuits baking in the oven, the dog at my feet waiting for tidbits. I didn’t feel stressed and like my time was being split between real life and the app. It felt good.
Seriously, it felt so good.
It’s funny how Instagram has given me this creative confidence. Because by giving me this creative confidence I now have the confidence I need not to be on the app. I started getting serious with Instagram in order to show publisher that I was a good bet. But by investing so much time in pursuing followers I stopped having time or the creative energy needed to write.
I’m not at the stage of deleting my Instagram account. Not yet. I still value my community on there. I still occasionally pop in and post an update. But I’m no longer a slave to it. It is refreshing. It is joyful. And I can’t recommend it enough.
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If you enjoyed this blog post post you might also enjoy my essays about writing, confidence, creativity and being online on Patreon.
I also write tiny essays in my newsletter which I send out about three times a month.
I also recommend this book: How to Break Up With Your Phone - The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life. UK link and USA link *
* I use affiliate links at no expense to yourself - which help with the running of this blog.
