Every Monday morning I pick up my vlogging camera to start recording my new writing week for my behind-the-scenes-of-my-writing-week on YouTube.
But this time it’s the Monday morning after the saddest weekend I’ve ever had whilst being a chicken and duck keeper. I’d mentioned what had happened on Instagram - of course I had because the chickens and the ducks were a regular feature in my Instagram Stories. They were part of my life, part of my creative life.
I had messages from people saying that the ducks bursting for freedom every morning was the highlight of their Instagram viewing.
Their enthusiasm for the start of a new day was joyful to behold.
And I said to my husband, after we’d spent a few hours searching for feathered bodies or anyone who might be still alive but hiding, ‘how am I going to tell everyone on Instagram? They’ll be so upset.’
He laughed gently and gave me a hug. ‘But we’re upset, too,’ he replied.
I think there is a fear of showing the sadder moments on Instagram - or any aspect of online life. The times when things don’t go to plan. The times when you’re in pain. The times when keeping chickens isn’t all bird song and wandering about in a linen apron filling the pockets with glorious eggs.
The reality can be heartbreaking.
The chickens and ducks changed my life. You can read about that here. But they also helped me with my writing and creativity. I’ve written about that in my Patreon essay (which will hopefully become a book at some point).
So that’s why this week’s vlog hasn’t started with a glorious sunrise, or the ducks running about. It starts with me red faced and crying.
Over the weekend I sent out a newsletter which opened with a short anecdote about my YouTube channel. The subject of the newsletter wasn’t actually about YouTube at all but I received an email back from one of my lovely subscribers asking what had happened with my YouTube journey. She said: It feels almost like we followed you on your journey then when you arrived at the Emerald City, you left us outside the gates.
I completely agreed. I’d stopped talking about YouTube once I reached monetisation. I’d shared a lot of what I was going through including my analytics and how close I was getting on my Instagram Stories - but then just didn’t carry that narrative on.
My YouTube journey has dominated my life for a year. I was thinking about it a lot; anxious that I would not reach the relevant requirements and then, when I did, I was worried about being rejected and monetisation would not be allowed for my channel.
So I thought I’d explore why I stopped talking about my YouTube channel in this blog post, as well as looking at my YouTube journey so far.