Journal

How I feel after writing an e-course

a bookish baker

Today, this morning - about ten minutes ago in fact - something amazing happened to me.

I sent out the first lesson of my e-course.

To anyone else this will not feel like a big event. But I cannot tell you how delighted I am with myself and I want to take a moment to pause and reflect. 

It's not about the pounds. It's about completing something.

Something I created from a blank page. From nothing.

This e-course was an idea I initially conceived during the Christmas 2017 holidays. I was looking forward to a quiet Christmas. I needed a quiet Christmas. We had no family coming to stay with us and illness prior to the big day meant we all needed the chance to rest and recharge. 

Then, whilst in the shower, I got my idea. I've had ideas for an e-course before but nothing came from it. When this one popped into my head it just made so much sense to me. It felt right.

So I started making a few notes. I did some customer research i.e I asked two Instagram friends, my two lovely guinea pigs, what they were struggling with as they created their own blogs. I traded my answers and help for their questions.

Then I sat at my desk and wrote. Then wrote some more. Then I recorded some videos. Then wrote and wrote. You get the idea.

I was daunted by the selling side. Would anyone buy? How do I share the information with the course students? But research, patience (with myself) and perseverance all paid off and everything started to fall into place.

And now I have a four week e-course with actual real life students. People who are interested in what I have to teach.

The first lesson went out this morning and it felt like such a massive achievement. Because this is the first time in a long time that I've conceived a project, started it and saw it through, right until the end. 

For a long time I thought I was one of those people who didn't finish a project. I've had my novel hanging over my head for such a long time it has made me think I would never finish anything. I've had my blog, of course I have, but a blog is constantly evolving. It's a hungry beast and one that you have to keep feeding. 

But now I have this. And I've worked out a few things about myself as I wrote it:

  • I am not one of those people who can have multiple projects on the go at the same time. 
  • I don't work well to deadlines that I keep to myself. i.e I cannot write 1000 words a day that I quietly get on with.
  • I can, however, work towards a realistic deadline if I have publicised it. 
  • I love writing about blogging and the creative process.
  • If I want to write a novel or memoir I have to write it in the same way as my e-course. As a project where I block off everything else and concentrate on that one thing.
  • I like lists but then tend to forget about them and hold everything, frustratingly, in my head.
  • I stop everything else going on in my life when I'm concentrating on a project. No getting my nails done, no dog walks with my friend, not coffees. I cannot organise things when my head is full.
  • I know more than I think I do.
  • I can do more than I think I can.
  • Keep it simple should be my mantra for everything. And has kept me sane during this entire process.

I've still go a few loose ends to tie up. And I have a Facebook group for the course so will be supporting everyone as they go through the lessons. 

But now I'm wondering what to do next. Write another course? (I have an idea brewing.) Or something else. Which brings me to the final thing I've learnt:

  • When one project is completed I have to fill my 'creative well' before starting a new one.

I didn't write this post to publicise my course, but if you are interested in joining it's not too late and you can find out more here.

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Why do I think I'm failing because other people are growing online faster?

a bookish baker

The anxiety started not long after I sent Sunday morning's instagram post live. The post was one I was particularly proud of. I liked how the words went with the picture. And I liked how I had taken something as mundane as the topic of mud and made something creative out of it.

And even though the likes came rolling in, even when I received some lovely comments about how the caption went with the picture, the anxiety continued to grow. 

It was getting livelier and livelier. A pit of snakes. A troop of lively monkeys who had just drunk an energy drink. 

I felt restless. Despite it being a Sunday afternoon, traditionally the time I cosied up on the settee with a film (or, in yesterday's case the England rugby match). I brought my notebooks into the lounge and started to write and create. Not out of a sense of calm but because I felt I had to do something. A sense of duty towards my work.

According to my husband I became a bit snarly (I couldn't possibly comment). And I went to bed with thoughts weighing on my mind. 

Until, just as I was about to go to sleep, I had a bit of a revelation.

I know I'm not the only one who is affected by the ups and downs of Instagram. Jules has talked about how the number of likes her picture gets can affect her mood. But in this particular instance it wasn't the number of likes as such, it was comparing these likes with what other people were getting.

So my anxiety was centred around my (slow to medium) Instagram growth and what I should be doing to 'up my game' to achieve faster growth.

There are lots of lovely advice posts out there on what I could be doing. But I was struggling to adapt the advice to my own feed. (Let me stress at this point that it's not them - it's me!)

And that's when it occurred to me just as I was falling asleep. I don't have to do what other people are doing to grow their instagram (I mean, duh! of course I don't!). I have my own vision, my own goals. Why am I being distracted by other people's incredible numbers?

And why am I thinking I'm failing because other people are growing faster?

I mean - how mad is that? I'm failing because other people are getting bigger numbers? Seriously, I need to get a grip.

As I've said before - but obviously need constant reminding - I am carving my own path as an online storyteller. 

The story is often what comes to me first before I create an Instagram picture.

A sentence like my post going live today (pictured below). I was stomping around my field and the words 'signs of life amongst nature's decay' came to me. So I created a post showing decay and life in that post.

signs of life amongst nature's decay

I'm inspired and influenced by the seasons and how my creativity (or lack of) is going. And I like to tell that story in both the caption and the picture. So I just post what feels right for me not my feed. 

I'm not saying my way is the right way or the only way. I'm just saying we're all different.

And if you're finding the online advice doesn't suit you then, even though it's a bit harder, you have to find your own way. Experiment. Push yourself. But try and remember why you're on instagram in the first place.

And don't compare yourself, however much your mind wants to, with others. 

Do you ever feel like this? Does your creative online journey feel different to others? 

An honest post about my creative year & my ideas for 2018

a bookish baker ducks

Due to nobody's fault but my own 2017 didn't quite go to plan for me. 

It started off well. Then I hit 10k on Instagram and my focus evaporated. I got sidetracked by other things. I was like a social media magpie picking my way excitedly through the shiny online advice.

I created another brand, another website, I started a coaching business. Oh my goodness this took up a lot of time and effort. But I was missing using my own creativity. And subsequently lost my appetite for work. I was beginning to flounder and flail.

It wasn't until a summer holiday when my mind had the chance to breathe that I realised I'd become side-tracked. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't, metaphorically speaking, kick myself long and hard for losing focus. 

But, as I said when I was being interviewed for a podcast last week, this is my journey. Just as I haven't yet finished my novel, just as my blog posts and Instagram account has yet to go viral (insert wink emoji) there is, I think, a reason for many of the decisions I make. And, even if there isn't a reason and it is a stupid mistake, I can still learn from it.

And what I've learned this year, in a looong roundabout way, is that I really want to focus on storytelling. I want to create a beautiful body of work on my blog where I tell my seasonal stories all mixed in with the other blog posts I enjoy writing on books, Instagram, food, beauty, writing, chickens, ducks  - whatever takes my fancy.

And I know I love sharing my stories on Instagram, too, but I don't want to put all my chickens' eggs in one social media basket.

So, what come's next? Well, I'm going to have a proper think over the Christmas break but I do have a few ideas now.

Even though I won't be doing one-to-one coaching anymore I have been answering DMs and emails from people who've reached out to me and who are interested in setting up their own blog and sharing their own stories but don't know where to start.

So...

IDEA NUMBER ONE

With social media becoming harder to build a following I firmly believe that creating a blog is important if you want an online presence. A blog is your business card, it's your portfolio. It is also a place to be creative. To experiment with different ways of telling stories: film, photography or writing.

So, I thought it would make sense to put all my knowledge from the past few years into a course focusing on the practical side as well as the creative and storytelling side of building a beautiful blog. A course looking at how to build up to sharing your work and writing (which I know can be so daunting) in addition to finding places to share and promote it.

I know that being confused about the techie aspects of writing and sharing online can be a real stumbling block so I genuinely want to help cut through all the advice so creatives can set up their blog simply and effectively then concentrate on creating.

I've actually already started to write the course and love how it's coming together. If you're interested you can sign up on this page to receive more information  and I'll email you when I have a date and further information.

If you have any questions about the course do send me an email. I'd love to hear from you.

IDEA NUMBER TWO

I'd love to create A Bookish Baker - the Book Club. A place to enjoy cosy reads. Whether this would be via newsletter, on a private area of this blog or on Facebook I'm not sure. What do you think? Is this something you'd be interested in?

a bookish baker book club

IDEA NUMBER THREE

A podcast talking books and stories. Maybe chatting to authors but also chatting to bloggers and creatives to discover the behind-the-scenes stories. 

This seems like a lot of projects I'd like to do when you also consider I have this blog, a novel to write and my Instagram photos and mini-films. 

BUT now I have found the path I want to be on I realise I love doing all of this. All if it. And I am so ready for the next stage of challenges. 

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What I learnt about writing online from Zoella and other YouTubers

What I learnt about writing online from Zoella and other YouTubers

My husband laughs at me. My teenage son rolls his eyes. And my daughter, she's eight, asks 'are you watching Zo-ella, again?' She's already learnt the art of taking the Mickey.

And, to answer her question, yes. Yes I am. As I write this I'm watching Zoella's Vlogmas from 2016. Her countdown to Christmas by vlogging every day in December. And I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

During Vlogmas we see her house dressed up with Christmas trees, we see her laughing hysterically with her friend Mark and supermarket shopping with her boyfriend, Alfie. We open her advent calendars (yes, plural) with her, see her takeaways and her oh so cute black pug, Nala dressed in various seasonal outfits. It's all very tame, very homey and it's certainly not an expletive or action packed video. She bakes banana loaf, goes to garden centres, describes what clothes she wearing and puts on make-up whilst chatting to her audience. Her more recent videos, where she shows her (incidentally, gorgeous) new house, has time lapses of her tidying cupboards. 

You might be thinking...huh? 

I know. I understand.

Failure to Moisturise

Failure to Moisturise

I look down at my shins and they're flaking with dead skin. My elbows are hard and catch on my cardigan. My facial skin is not much better. Puffy eyes, spots, flat. There's no glowy, dewy skin anywhere near here.

For many years, particularly since I had children, I didn't think I was worth taking care of. I wasn't worth spending money on. Buying a moisturiser that suited my skin, getting my hair cut and coloured, taking vitamins, even drinking water. I avoided all of it.

For my children I would look through the Boden catalogue and buy them cute outfits. My son and daughter had eczema as a baby and I researched the best cream for them*. It was pricey (at the time) but I didn't think twice. They were worth it.

But was I?

Why does writing make me feel so guilty?

Why does writing make me feel so guilty?

Over the summer holidays, during a much needed break, I made a decision. 

But before I tell you my decision let's go back to January 2017.

At the beginning of this year I had a set of goals. This was to create a portfolio business consisting of my blog, Instagram, my newsletter, writing magazine articles, exploring the possibilities with my chicken drawings and writing my non-fiction and novel.

In my notebook I wrote:

In three months I will have a healthy business, writing and drawing, and will be making an income from it.

Fourteen Years on from PND

Fourteen Years on from PND

My son was fourteen last week.

Let's pause for a minute there.

Four-teen years old.

One minute I was worrying about him starting school, shedding a few tears as I walked away from the school gates, and the next, he's a strapping teenager about to start year 10 and gearing up to GCSEs.

Setting aside the fact I can still remember taking my own GCSEs I'm a bit shocked that I'm a mum to a six-foot boy, a young man who can rest his chin on the top of my head.

If only I'd known he would be a strong, independent, healthy, intelligent young man twelve to fourteen years ago. During those two years I suffered from depression after suffering from PTSD related to birth trauma. A bittersweet time (mainly bitter) that shrouded me in guilt for a long time during and after. Thinking I'd scarred him for life.

Sharing stories & being brave

Sharing stories & being brave

I've always enjoyed telling my chicken and nature stories on my blog but I got distracted by 'niching' and 'writing for an audience' instead of simply telling the tales I wanted to tell.

Whilst I was on my holiday last week I had that time away from my laptop and thought about how I wanted to spend my online time. And I knew it was by sharing stories about my chickens, ducks, writing, reading, baking - so that's what I'm going to concentrate on.

Share the blog love

Share the blog love

I'm winding down for a few weeks of summer rest and recuperation. I think this is so important. Not only for your own creativity, allowing your mind to switch off, wander, allowing sparks of imagination to come out of nowhere, but also mentally. It's not possible to just keep going all of the time. And I've learnt that the hard way.

But before I take some time away I wanted to talk about blogging. It's following on from my last two posts, really, where I spoke about writing what you want to write, not worrying about 'niching down' and ignoring the experts who are telling you to do one thing with your blog when your heart is telling you to go another way.

Is social media stifling creativity?

Is social media stifling creativity?

Facebook rather (over)excitedly told me yesterday that it was our ten year anniversary. I had been on Facebook for ten years. Which means I've been blogging for slightly longer, and tweeting for slightly less.

In this decade of social media I've seen many creative endeavors evolve and grow.

There was the rise of the blog becoming a book deal. The film Julie and Julia (one of my favourites) came about because of Julie Powell's blog. Or we have the Belle de Jour blog which became a book and, later, a TV series with Billie Piper. 

Back then social media was used to chat. 'Water cooler' chatting. Writers, working on their own all day, would come together to compare word counts and commiserate or celebrate accordingly.

Blogs were like diaries. A place to share writing. A place to be anonymous or to share projects.

January in Pictures

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We've had misty days, damp and dank days, crisp frosts, blue skies, bright and piercing sunshine and nights that were well below freezing. The seasonal stream has swollen, the ground going from rock hard to soft to squelchy in a matter of hours.

Birds have been singing, the green woodpecker has been swooping and feasting in the garden, a heron stopped by for a day or two, flying upwards leisurely when disturbed.

The calling sound of the pheasant, we've got black ones around here with glints of green in their tails, is a regular sound, as is the voice of my eldest cockerel.

Inside the soft scent of vanilla and ginger hit your senses, as my son gets stuck into his baking project. Plans of my own are being hatched and researched. My head has been scratched endlessly; my brain almost unpleasantly stuffed with information.

I never wish January away. It's a month that gets a hard time. After all, how could the month following December with it's bright lights, joyful music, carols and laughter, compete?

But I relish its quietness, the solitude, the nesting. It's a chance to recover, to plan and a time of anticipation.

shortbread on a bookish baker

Five Instagram Accounts I Love

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Despite its faults, and the changes, I'm still in love with this little app. I've connected with a wonderful range of people and communities on there and I always look forward to seeing what is happening in their beautiful photographs. This morning my own account ticked over to 7000 followers. I know if you aren't into social media or fussed about followers you can be thinking, yeah - whatever.

However. I think I've always been quite honest in that I'm intentionally building a social media platform. I think it's important, as a writer, that I have a following, that I have people out there in the world who genuinely enjoy my writing and what I have to say. Not only does this build my confidence, which then allows me to be braver with my writing, but I'm hoping it'll make me more attractive to publishers.

Perhaps, most importantly, though, it allows me to chat and connect with other people, in what can be a solitary profession.

Because of this I wanted to highlight some of my favourites on instagram. I think these accounts reflect my tastes brilliantly.

1.Penguin in the post

Verity has such a gorgeous account. I look forward to seeing her beautiful books every day.

penguin-in-the-post

2. Niki at the Cottage

I've been following Niki for ages and ages. Not only are Niki's photos beautiful but she is perhaps one of the most supportive people I've met on instagram.

niki at the cottage

3. My Chaos and Coffee

Look at that pig on the top right. That gorgeous beast is probably one of my most favourite Instagram photos - ever!

mychaosandcoffee

4. Alice Draws the Line

I found Alice earlier this year. I became fascinated and mesmerised by her beautiful nature drawings. She sells her work on etsy and I've already purchased two of her notebooks.

Alice Draws the Line

5. Wellies and Love

Wellies and love manages to capture everything I love about the countryside.

wellies and love

Who are your favourites?